I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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