Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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