I met the friendliest cop last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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