I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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