I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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