we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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