u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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