He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize