i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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