I wannas sexs uuuuu
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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