After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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