i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize