i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I believe in your delicious
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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