i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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