He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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