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Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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