literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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