I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize