my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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