i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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