Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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