why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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