Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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