Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
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Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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