There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize