She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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