OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize