i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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