Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize