it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The air taste purple.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize