Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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