In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize