while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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