He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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