he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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