Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize