Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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