Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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