When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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