I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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