I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize