im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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