Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
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Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
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BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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