dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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