bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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