It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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