Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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