Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize