The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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