btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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